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Friday, October 14, 2005

Husband's decreased sex drive after birth of the baby

Dear Dr. Amy,

My husband and I had a baby about five months ago. We had taken every precaution to have it go the way we planned it. Unfortunately it did not. I have always had a female doctor as this is what I was comfortable with.

My problems is I went into labor 10 weeks early and was sent to another hospital. I had made multiple requests for a female doctor and one was eventualy brought in for us. Before she arrived a male doctor came into the room and asked to check me. I was scared and my husband was not happy. When the dostor asked if he could check me I never answered him and he did it anyway. I felt I had no choice in this matter and it has caused many undersirable consiqences in our marriage.

My husband has a hard time getting this out of his mind and I am getting really worried about him. Our sex life has gone down hill dramatically as every time we get ready and get undressed all he sees is the doctor inserting his fingers into my vagina. This has taken control of his life and damaged our marriage.

I guess I can understand where this would affect him. I am shocked this doctor could do this without my approval. My husband and I had talked about male doctors before the delivery and I knew how he felt and I never stopped it from happening. Now what do I do?

Thanks,
Jeanne

Dear Jeanne,

You are right to be concerned because this is a very unusual response. It sounds like this incident has stirred up some serious emotional issues for your husband and he needs to find out what is going on. I suspect that he could get a lot of relief by discussing it with a mental health professional. If he will not go, you could go on your own. You may be able to learn some helpful techniques for dealing with this.

I have heard about men having decreased sex drive after witnessing childbirth because they are subconsciously afraid to cause their wives such pain again, or are subconciously afraid of another unplanned pregnancy. I have not of anyone upset about a male doctor doing a vaginal exam since, until fairly recently most doctors were men.

Good luck with this problem.

Sincerely,
Amy

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