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Monday, October 10, 2005

Husband has decreased sex drive

Dear Dr. Amy,

Ever since my husband and I have started trying to have a baby, his sex drive has taken a major dive. I have asked him if this is because he maybe feels he isn't ready, and he has assured me that is not the problem. He is having a hard time getting aroused and he is only 24. Obviously, this is going to be a problem for us in our baby making endeavors. I already have endometriosis and PCOS. He is just as frustrated as I am about the issue and it is causing problems in our marriage. (We have been married 4 years). Is this normal? Any suggestions? He isn't comfortable asking a Dr. about the problem.

Thank you,

Dear Rachel,

Decreased sex drive can be caused by physical problems or psychological issues. Certain medications can cause decrease sex drive and medical problems can also cause decreased sex drive. It makes sense to start with a full physical exam to be sure that he is physically fine. He does not need to mention the reason to his doctor if he is not comfortable with that.

It is very possible that this is a psychological issue. Sex has changed from something that is purely exciting and pleasurable into a task. He may also be worried about the increased financial pressure and the change in your relationship that will come with being parents.

If it is psychological, it is not his fault and he cannot control it. It may stem from his upbringing or some other factor that he cannot control. A few sessions with a mental health professional may help him get to the bottom of this. If he refuses to go, you might consider consulting a mental health professional by yourself. He or she may be able to offer strategies that you can use to help your husband figure out what is wrong.



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